I truly am loving being a stay at home mom. I wake up every morning thinking, "REALLY? Is this REALLY my life? How awesome!" and every Sunday night I'm shocked that I don't have to go to work the next day. Thankfully many of my "Fears of Exclusive Motherhood" (ie. not having a purpose, missing feeling accomplished, etc) I haven't really experienced. Surprisingly, I'm struggling in the opposite direction. I always envision myself as an uber-organized SAHM who had the house spic-n-span, laundry done, dinner made, coupons clipped, and toys alphabetized. Instead, I'm finding that, honestly, I could care less. I think that there are several things that are contributing to this:
1) I am a procrastinator at heart. I know that I work much better with deadlines and expectations (both of which now I have very few).
2) I have been so super scheduled/ motivated/organized for the past 2 years (because I had no choice) that I think I might just need a break. I used to be on the go from 5am until 11pm balancing work life AND home life, and I'm ready for a change of pace.
3)Housework has never been a priority for me. Laundry and cleaning have always been at the bottom of my to do list beneath "family quality time", and were the things I squeezed in on the weekends. So, it's been difficult to envision them being my agenda for the day.
4) Subconsciously I might be avoiding the "housewife" stigma I have in my mind.
So, right now the item on the top of my prayer list has been my Motivation. I am intentionally scheduling something every single day to ensure that we are up and around (or the Lord knows I might never shower :-) And I'm trying to live by my To Do list (although they keep getting misplaced;-). And I daily set my alarm to get up before Amelia does (although so far I have turned it off every time...) AND, the Lord has blessed me with a VERY active little girl who doesn't sit still for 2 minutes and won't let me sit still either :-)
I have also done some deep soul searching and come to realize that this is how I can serve my husband and daughter. It's not just picking up and cleaning up so that my house isn't trashed- it's how I can love them. At my Bible study this morning the question was posed "How do you use your life to glorify God?" When I was working as a social worker this was easy. I literally spent most of my waking moments helping people and was blessed to be able to have an occupation where I served people every day. Now that I spend my days changing diapers and cleaning toilets, that question is a little harder to answer. I think that it comes down to living with intention. Remembering that EVERY SINGLE THING I do needs to be done in such a way that I glorify the Lord. I always think about that verse in 1 Cor 9:24
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. To me that translates to, "Do your best because this is what God is calling you to do." I know that, in this season of my life, God is calling me to serve my family and I know He will help me to find joy in that! Instead of viewing housework as my 'job' and 'agenda', I am trying to see it as a God's role for me right now, and my way that I am able to glorify Him!!
Therefore, I am learning how to balance my day, how to prioritize, and praying for the will power to want to be productive.
Ephesians 2:10.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
