Lydia and her birth day

So, now that Lydia is 4 months old today, I guess it's about time to write about her birth day.

Having had a c-section with Amelia because she was breech, I knew it was almost certain that I would have another c-section with this one. Well, Lydia was breech as well, so I knew that I would be facing another surgery.

While my c-section with Amelia went well, it was still a little traumatic. I had pre-eclampsia and was at work when my blood pressure spiked, so her delivery was last minute and unexpected. I was on Mag Sulfate (ie feel like your are totally drunk) and already felt woozy and lightheaded when they wheeled me into surgery. Although the c-section was without complications, I struggled with dizziness, nausea, and lots and lots of anxiety throughout the entire thing. To the point where, when Amelia was born, I wasn't even able to look at her because I was so panicked. So, knowing that, once again, I would be awake during a major abdominal surgery, had me very worried.

Early on Jason and I talked about my fears and what we wanted for this delivery. Peace and Joy. I wanted to be able to be present in the moment and enjoy meeting my daughter versus being wracked with anxiety and fear. And you know what? That's what God wanted for me too. So, for months, that was our prayer, and the prayer that we asked literally everyone we knew to pray... that her delivery would be one of peace and joy. That the right hospital staff would be in the right place at the right time. And, of course, for health and safety for both mom and baby.

When we got to the hospital at 4am and got to my room for my pre-op prep Jason put worship music on in the background. Then he began reading to me from scriptures that he had chosen just for this occasion. They were verses that spoke of peace and joy and faith and the absence of fear. These scriptures went into the pocket of his scrubs and accompanied us into the operating room. We had some alone time before they wheeled me into surgery and we were able to pray together for myself, the baby, and the staff that would be attending us. Then, as soon as we entered the operating room Jason began reading the verses to me and didn't stop until our baby was born. It was amazing to feel my fear slip away and be replaced with the Lord's strength. And, at the same time, our faith was witnessed by the operating room staff. It was a special moment when the anesthesia assistant leaned over and asked, "Are you reading scripture? Are you born again Christians? I am too!"

I can tell you that I have never experienced peace like the peace I had that day. Truly the peace that passes all understanding. God's presence was felt in that operating room. The Lord took away my fear and anxiety and replaced them with a joy that I have never felt before. Afterwards I actually said, "Wow, that was relaxing." Even the anesthesiologist remarked that I had no anxiety.

And then we got to meet our perfect black haired beauty. I was able to enjoy her first moments and her precious newness. Then (unlike Amelia who was in the Level 2 nursery for 4 days) as soon as I got back to my room to recover they put her on my chest and we were able to get to know each other.





Lydia Elaine Gebbink 9.9.11 8:10am 7lb 9oz

To God be the glory for Lydia's precious birth day. A day that changed our lives in more ways that just her birth. A day that our faith was strengthened and we tangibly felt the Lord answer our prayers.

Philippians 4:6-7 – “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” (NLT)

2 Cor. 12:9 - “My grace is enough; it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become!” (NLT)

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Josh. 1:9

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears.” Ps. 34.4

Becoming a family of 4

I can hardly believe that 9 months have passed and here we are, a family of 4! I was a little slow at blogging this summer, so I'll do a little recapping.

We had a wonderful summer with trips to Colorado and Door County. Jason and I really tried to focus on savoring our time together with Amelia and enjoying our last times as a family of 3. We knew that lots of fun and blessings were in our future, but also that things would never be the same and that Amelia wouldn't have our undivided attention again. At the beginning of the summer we set 4 goals for her to be able to accomplish and I'm happy to say that she (mostly) can do them all!
-Got rid of the pacifier at night
-Potty Trained
-Can dress herself
-Can get into the car and buckle herself into her seatbelt

Those 4 things make life a lot easier!

In the meantime, I was really wrestling with feelings of guilt in regards to our new addition. When I was pregnant with Amelia, so much of my time and energy was focused on preparing for her: reading every pregnancy book under the sun, spending hours planning her nursery, hanging her clothes on coordinating hangers, talking to my tummy, writing in her journal, doing prenatal yoga, etc etc etc. This new baby girl wasn't even born yet, and already I felt like she was getting shafted. Not only did I not have time to re-read books, make it to the yoga class that I had to drop out of, and even find coordinating hangers, I couldn't plan her nursery because this kid was going to sleep in a pack n play in our room for awhile. I know these all sound like trivial things, but to me it was about being able to be emotionally prepared and ready to welcome this child.

So, one day in late July, Jason took Amelia home to visit family. It was too late in my pregnancy for me to travel, so I had a 'baby retreat'. With the house all to myself I washed baby clothes, organized drawers, wrote in her journal, and laid in the pool reading my favorite baby book "Birthed in Prayer". The author reminded me that with the second child, we have the blessing of sharing the planning and preparations with our older child. It has been amazing to see the delight on Amelia's face when the baby kicked her and to watch her hug my belly and whisper "I love you baby sister". I was able to experience the wonder and the miracle of growing another child through her eyes. I was also reminded that God is the ultimate planner and preparer and by trying to take this role on by myself, I am not trusting Him. And, after receiving advice from some wonderful friends I also realized that I didn't need to prepare as much for this baby. I had almost all of the "things" that I needed. I had also been through this life transition once before and I was already emotionally prepared. Prepared to be selfless, to allow another's needs to conduct my schedule, and to expand the fabric of our family to hold another. I was more relaxed, experienced, seasoned, and also could anticipate the needs and fears of the weeks and months to come. More than anything, I was able to realize that God is bigger than all of this and will give me exactly what I need.

I love mornings!

NOT! If you know me very well at all, you know that I'm not a morning person. Pre-children Jason and I used to sleep in as late as possible on Saturday mornings... often missing the farmers market (which ended at 11a!) We still can't believe how much we loved our sleep. I honestly have no idea how I got up at 5am and drove to Peoria everyday when I was working.
In this stage of life it's been really tempting to 'sleep in' as much as possible. Many mornings found me dragged out of bed by my toddler, only because she was in the kitchen "making breakfast". Did this include a) eating cold cocktail wienies on her bedroom floor b) eating cottage cheese out of the container with her hands c) trying to peel raw eggs which she thought were hard boiled or d) all of the above? Yes the answer is D. Stellar parenting... (For the record, I was actually awake during all of these incidences, just not necessarily downstairs quite yet :-) So, our mornings were starting off stressed and rocky and I felt behind before my feet hit the floor.

This spring this sleep-lovin mama started to be really convicted about my morning routine. Through a challenge from an excellent speaker (thanks LB), and numerous articles and websites that happened to cross my path, I knew that God was calling me to get up earlier, sacrifice my precious sleep, and start my day the right way. A quote that really spoke to me was "get up FOR your kids, not TO your kids".
Since I have the will power of a gnat I knew I needed some accountability. I joined Maximize Your Mornings where 800 other mommas were struggling to get out of bed together. We are placed into small online accountability groups where we check in each day and share successes and struggles. Our goal is to get up earlier than our kids and spend quiet time with the Lord, then exercise and plan our day before our day actually begins.

Now, I can't say that I have been successful on all fronts, but it has really changed my routine this summer. For quite a few weeks there I was successfully rising early after Jason left for work and having great quiet time and planning and preparing for my day. It felt so good to have even those extra minutes to have a focused start to my day. It was amazing how much I was able to get done when the house was peaceful and quiet. THEN the third trimester hit and my body said, "I NEED SLEEP". I decided to give up on getting up early, but am still starting my day with devotions and prayer. (Amelia also has to stay in bed reading during this time to avoid any morning culinary disasters). As I think I've said in the past, I've always struggled with having a consistent God time. Now that it's become a routine, I can totally see changes in my life. The days that I have quality quiet time I have more patience and resilience for the things that come my way. I feel balanced. I feel capable. And the words that the Lord lays on my heart in the morning really to speak to me throughout the rest of the day. I'm thankful that I was able to develop this routine of quiet time before the baby comes and life really gets chaotic! Here's to many many more early mornings!

My Summertime Prayer

Lord, help me to savor every moment,
Help me to soak up every ray of sunshine and Popsicle kiss,
Help me to put away my "need to's and have to's" in favor of "want to's and wish to's",
Challenge me to get out of the kitchen and down onto the floor.
Help me to say more "Yes's" and less "No's",
Give me the creativity to think outside my routine and encourage inspiration,
Allow me to find joy in the mess and the chaos- for these things usually bring true delight,
Remind me to sacrifice my own peace and relaxation in favor of the hard work of play,
Give me a servant's heart, yet remove my guilt for the times that I need to focus on myself.
Help me to turn away from the things that absorb my mind and attention,
Instead, I want to be fully present.
I don't want to take one minute for granted.
Let the days drag on unending until we drop with exhaustion from a satisfied, saturated day.
I want to bottle up every memory, every giggle, each smooch, every breath,
And cherish every one.
Amen.

Boy or Girl???

The Gebbinks are excited to announce...

It's...

a...

GIRL!

Coming September 9, 2011

Babymoon (my new favorite word!)

Lunch at George's on the Cove

Bump at 15 weeks


On our brunch cruise



As soon as we found out we were pregnant with #2, we started dreaming about the possibility of a “babymoon”. Dreaming… Amazingly, the very next day Jason’s coworker told him she was unable to use her timeshare this summer and would we like to use it… for free? So we found cheap tickets and signed ourselves up for 6 days in San Diego child-free! While we were so very excited, we had no idea what a blessing this trip would be to us and our marriage.

When we first arrived it was hard to avoid scheduling things around our ‘normal life’. Dinner at 7:30pm? But, that’s bedtime! Massages at 2pm? That’s right in the middle of naptime! It’s funny how you get stuck in routines. Anyway, it didn’t take long to break out of that mindset and just enjoy the freedom of flexibility. We took a brunch boat cruise, did a historic home tour (one of our favorite hobbies), picnicked on the beach, spent an afternoon at the spa, laid by the pool, spent hours driving up and down the 101, and ATE A LOT.

More than anything we reveled in our one-on-one time. We have been saying that this trip was better than our honeymoon- mostly because we now know the value of uninterrupted quality time. A complete conversation is now precious, where before it was common. Having the freedom to go where we wanted at whatever time we wanted without an arsenal of diapers, snacks, and toys was so novel it was thrilling! It was wonderful to have each other ‘all to ourselves’! Also, we know each other so much better now after almost 9 years of marriage. On our honeymoon we were newlyweds giddy in love. Now we are a little ‘seasoned’, having been through trials and struggles, and having come out stronger and more in love because of them. We have changed and grown as a couple. Truly we spent the week hanging out with our best friend. Most importantly, I think that we both relished feeling the ‘spark’ again. That feeling of oneness and complete compatibility that can get lost in the day to day. The little thrill of electricity that you forget exists when romance becomes more of a partnership. It was refreshing to discover that it was still there and we are still as madly in love (if not more!) than the day we got married. It was essential to our marriage that we took the time to reconnect to who we truly ARE. Not just mommy and daddy, but remembering the things that we love about each other outside of our parenting role.

Mostly, we were reminded of how vital to our marriage these private times are. God calls us to put our marriage first for the health of our family. While we know that a childless vacation will be few and far between, we have goals of spending more quality time together. We have started “No TV Tuesday” where we don’t watch any television, but play games, read, and eat ice cream together. Another goal has been trying to go to bed early, capturing those quiet hours before sleep to spend together. We also have plans to do evening date swaps with another couple where, after all the kids are in bed, one couple will get to go out for an evening date while part of the other couple hangs out at their house, and then swap on another night. Also, on occasion, we feed Amelia dinner early and put her to bed early, and have a quiet, hot dinner all to ourselves.

While we loved our time away, we were excited to get back and start on this new chapter of our lives (and,yes, we did miss Amelia :-). I’m so thankful for the blessings of this trip and how much it rejuvenated us. I think it helped us both to see how child-free quality time is as essential to marriage as water to a plant- it’s what helps it grow.

Lent

I once heard about a gardener who spent the season of Lent in the garden. From the beginning of March he spent hours on his knees in the cold, wet mud clearing out weeds and brambles from his precious beds. As he toiled he focused on the barren, cold, weedy areas of his life as well. As the weather warmed he was able to see new life breaking through the barren ground, and daily he was experiencing new life in Christ as he allowed the Lord to clear away the sin in his life. By the time Easter arrived his soul was renewed and given new life, just as his flower beds were.
Although I am not a die-hard gardener, our family did spend a day this weekend clearing away the brush and bramble from our extensive flower beds. It took a lot of time on our knees and breaking our backs to clear away the rubbish that we had neglected to pick up in the fall. What was amazing to me was that, even with many inches of dead leaves and branches covering the dirt, there was still new life struggling to poke through underneath. Today when I checked on the beds 2 days later, I was astounded to see that, what had been tiny shoots of plants before, were now 4 inches of healthy green leaves. And then I reflected on my life… When I allow the Lord to clear away my sinfulness- my thorny, dead parts (which often is a result of brokenness), I am able to bloom and flourish. Most importantly, when I die to myself (meaning giving up a lot of my sins and weakness including selfishness, time wasting, jealousy, pride, etc) then His gifts are allowed to grow. This means I notice that I have more patience, more compassion, less anger, and less bitterness.

Now while I haven’t spent the season of Lent in the garden, I did give up Facebook for these 40 days. I had started to feel like I was in bondage to Facebook. I know that sounds silly, but I felt like every spare moment I had, I needed to see what everyone else was up to. When, in fact, I was missing out on what was going on in my own life. During this season, anytime I would have normally been checking on status updates, I have been spending it in prayer. I can tell you that my days have been filled with a lot more peace and strength than I have had in a long time.
So, whether you are in your garden or on your computer, spend a few precious minutes several times today to ask the Lord which weeds he needs to clear out of your garden. Happy Lent to you!

Well, hello there...

My blog has been a little dry lately. Well, a lot dry. We’ve had a lot going on in the Gebbink House. Primarily we’re excited to share that we will be adding another Gebbink baby to our home in September. This means that mommy has spent much of the last 2 months lying on the couch waiting for “all day” sickness to pass. During this time I’ve also been riding the “Potty Training Rollercoaster”. Pee in the potty, pee on the floor, pee in the potty, pee on the floor. Diapers. Pull ups. Dora Panties. Screw it. (Today we are back on the train… again). Those things and planning my mom’s big bday bash at home, and gathering a group of ladies to attend the Hearts at Home conference the same weekend. There has been A LOT going on!

Truly, I only write when God has really placed something on my heart to share. I once heard in a sermon that everyone should have an altar in their lives- a place where they share or demonstrate the great things that God has done. Well, I guess that my blog is my altar then. My prayer has always been that I hope others can learn through the lessons God is teaching me.

Lately, in addition to the aforementioned activities, we have been finding our way through the “Terrific Two’s”. Amelia truly is a wonderful little girl, but, just like any two year old, some days are better than others. Through a series of books, speakers, and friends, I have come to a really important conclusion. My job is not just to raise her, but to TRAIN her. I am challenged with, not only disciplining her, but making her a disciple of the Lord. Once upon a time I thought that my job as a stay at home mom was to cook, clean, and do laundry. Suddenly I’m realizing that Jason and I are responsible for developing Amelia’s character. For giving her a heart for God and other people. To make her into a decent human being! Wow. This is so much bigger than timeouts vs. spankings. This is, like, teaching her about integrity and compassion. I didn’t know this started at age 2! And, since these are things that I struggle with somedays, how on earth am I supposed to teach it to her? So, I’m praying for a lot of wisdom, and I’m studying. If you were trying to learn a language, an art or how to change the oil on your car, you would find some resources and study. So, I’m learning. I’m reading some great books right now including “5 Love Languages of Children”, “Preschool Wisdom: what your preschooler desperately wants you to know”, “Love and Logic for Early Childhood”, and “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”.

All this to say that I’m also very grateful and honored that God gave me this job. While I loved my time in the working world, I never realized how satisfying it would be to mold and influence another person’s life. It is such a huge responsibility, but I’m totally up for the challenge. I’m sure there will be much more on this to come, but if you wonder where I am, I’m either reading parenting books, or wiping up pee off the floor.

WONDER

As I took down our Christmas decorations today (yes, I know it’s mid-January, but really, what’s the rush) I took a little time to reflect on our holiday. For me it was definitely one of my favorite Christmases so far and I can sum it up in one word of “WONDER”. I don’t think I really knew the meaning of the word wonder until I had a toddler. Every aspect of the Christmas season was reflected on Amelia’s face with a rapt look of WONDER. From the Christmas lights on the neighbors houses, to the stockings on the fireplace, to our Christmas tree in our window, to her first time hearing the story of Jesus’ birth, she had the most precious look of awe and WONDER on her face. (Granted she loved to talk about how the sheep poo-pooed in the manger and has been calling every infant she knows “Baby Jesus”, she was wonder-struck all the same!) Most importantly it reminded me that Christmas truly is a season of wonder… that a virgin was given a child who would save the entire earth. That we have the opportunity for a relationship with this child. That He is longing for us… now that’s WONDERful! I’m praying that this spirit of wonder will linger the whole year for our family… maybe I should just keep the decorations up?

Friends

I know that there are a gajillion cheesy phrases about friends out there… “Friends are friends forever” “Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”, “If friends were flowers, I'd pick you”. But truly, I believe that friendships are like water and air. It is so vital and important to have those people to trust in and lean on, confide in and be REAL with. And, let me tell ya, it’s hard work! I’ve never been in a situation before where I’ve had to WORK to find and make friends. There has always been a dorm full of girls, or co-workers, or Sunday school and church friends. Suddenly I’m starting out cold. And I’m learning that it takes guts (and a little bit of faith) to find new friends ‘cause I’m sure not gonna make ‘em sitting in my house . And like many things, relationships need intentional care -like a garden that will wither if it’s not given attention.

So, here I am in the land of horses and rolling meadows (although only 1 hour and 10 min. from downtown… pretty cool), how do I find friends? I will admit that I have done a little “grocery store stalking” (Oh Hi, what a cute little girl. Do you live around here? Do you want a new friend?.... ok, maybe not quite like that) without much success. I have joined an online mom’s group (Meetup.com) through which I joined a Bible Study and a playgroup. I have joined a MOPS group a few towns away, through which I have made some wonderful friends. And Amelia and I have also joined a group called Mothers for Others which is moms who volunteer with their kiddos in the community, and we’ve met some other mamas through there. The Lord has been so very faithful and answering our prayers- we have been blessed with some wonderful friends up here!

And like seedlings in a garden, I’m learning that these friendships need to be grown and cultivated. Time, attention, and care are needed to flourish a friendship based on mutual trust; a friendship that can be real, open, and honest. And there is always an element of faith that exists as well. For me, there is always the Jr. High fear of “does she like me? Are we still friends?” And that, I believe, is the devil trying to undermine the blessings that the Lord has given to me.

So, thank-you Father for providing for my needs, for answering our prayers, and for the wonderful people that you’ve brought into our lives. May we be a blessing to theirs as well!

BLESSED

Amelia, every so often (at least once a day), I take a step back and give a small gasp and am amazed at how BLESSED I am to be your mommy. I still can hardly believe or comprehend that you were formed in my womb and were created for your daddy and I. It is unbelievable to me how fast you learn and how easily you pick up new things. It is touching to me how sensitive you are; how you get so concerned when you see someone else hurt or sad. It is remarkable how, already, you have an incredible servant's heart and love to be 'helping mommy'. I see so much of your great-grandma Amelia in you... your love of music and dancing, your friendliness to everyone around you (she never knew a stranger), and your constant enthusiasm for life. Already you have taught me so much about the world around me and about myself. You have helped me to learn the true meaning of patience, of perserverance, of compassion, mercy, and unconditional love. You have helped to reveal areas in my life where I need to be stronger, and some areas where I don't need to be as strong. But more importantly, you have helped me to see Jesus through your eyes. As we teach you that God loves you and made all of his creation for you, it is once again wonderous to me as well. I am blessed to be able to be home with you each day. To be the one who teaches you, disciplines you, and gets to experience your world with you. I know that these days are precious, and I love spending this fleeting season of my life with you. Thank you for bringing immeasurable joy to my life and your daddy's. Thank you for your cheesey smiles, your big 'cheek' kisses, your nuzzles, and your belly laughs. Most of all, thank you for making me a better person, Christian and mommy. I love you!

PS I am posting this so that when you put your shoes in the toilet, smear waterproof mascara on your face, and have a potty training accident in my kitchen cabinet, I'll remember why I love you so much!

Learning how to do this job...

I’m still trying to figure it out… this job I’ve been blessed with that came without a job description, orientation, or manual. I’m so concerned with how to do it “right”. How to accomplish all I need and want to. How to feel successful without a way to measure that success. I realized that I am not looking at my new occupation as a ‘job’. Yes it has definite perks ( no dress code, my own schedule, etc.) but it is still a job, and I’m not necessarily preparing myself like I should be. When I was a project manager, I would never come to work without having my presentation prepared or my handouts printed. Likewise, I shouldn’t be starting my day at this job without preparation. For me that means getting up early to do my devotions, pack the diaper bag, start the laundry, etc to prepare for my day with my daughter. Now, if you know me, you know that I am NOT a morning person. When I was working full time it was only by the grace of God and the fear of losing my job that I was able to get up every day at 5a and be out the door by 6a (or earlier). I am in AWE at those of you who are outside running at 5am. OMG. But I really have been feeling like this is something that God is calling me to do. The times that I have gotten up early in recent weeks have been a complete blessing to my day. I have had time to make Jason breakfast and spend a few quiet minutes with him, have some 'me time' and feel more prepared for my day. Those days I have more patience and feel more sucessful and accomplished (and who can't use 2 more hours in the day). But, alas, every morning there is still the 'bed battle'- somedays I win, somedays I lose.

I have been reading a blog called Inspired to Action that has been the "Mom-manual" I have been looking for. http://inspiredtoaction.com/ By signing up for her blog I received her free ebook called "Maximize Your Mornings". It was just what I needed and came with worksheets and checklists. I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone else trying to figure this job out! So, I just keep remembering that everyday is a new day and persistence, self discipline, and prayer will win out eventually…. Right?

Settled.

Amelia and I in our garden


Wow, after 15 months of transitions it feels amazing (and a bit surreal) to finally say that we are settled. Our boxes are unpacked, pictures are on the wall, and our new-to-us house is starting to feel like a home. The first week felt like Christmas- opening boxes that we had packed 6 months ago and finding dishes and decorations that we forgot we owned. I have been cooking almost constantly- a hobby that I had missed dearly for the last year. And Amelia loves running around our 2 acres, swimming in the pool, and playing on the ‘bouncy bounce’ (trampoline) and slide. The area up here is beautiful with rolling hills, gobs of horses (much to Amelia’s never-ending delight!), and bountiful markets of fresh, local produce and meats (which our new eating-efforts appreciate). Between our house and the interstate there are 12 roadside stands or orchards on this road alone!!

It’s been amazing to look back at the last year and a half and see all that God has brought us through. As much as I miss ‘home’, it is clear that this is where God wants us to be. Without going through the trials and the challenges, our faith and relationship wouldn’t have been tested and refined. We have had to lean on the Lord and our faith more than ever. God has answered prayer after prayer: from providing great Christian friends, to ministry opportunities and even a Bible study and playgroup. And, repeatedly, he has confirmed that we are in the right place.

It’s incredible to look back and see that at the times where our heartache was the greatest, those were the times that our faith and relationship with Christ was the strongest. He truly does ‘give strength to the weary’. Now I need to remember to maintain that desire for Him and dependence on Him in the ‘strong times’ as well. It is so easy to slip back into “I can do it” mode, that we forget that He gives us our strength. The Lord has brought us through times of depression, bitterness, anger, and lots of questions. I would love to say that I was a trooper and took it all in stride, but many days I failed miserably. Thankfully God and Jason are forgiving, and I know that this experience has prepared me for challenges to come!