On the move once again...

We are finally ready to complete the final leg of our journey and move all of our belongings from the 'short term' rental in McHenry to our 'long term' rental in Spring Grove. While we never intended to be in this house for very long (and stayed in this house for longer than we intended :-) it was a good house to us. There are many things that I WON'T miss:

-The random wildlife in our fenced in backyard consisting of 1 groundhog, 2 cats, and 6 skunks
- The crazed ice cream truck that circles our neighborhood for hours, always around dinner time, yelling out "Hello!"
- The lack of air conditioning and very sticky nights
- Our neighbor's taste in cultural music, while enjoyable, was not so great at 1am
- Our washer and dryer, while adequate, heat the house and are so loud we have to yell to be heard
- Lack of space for, well, anything

Despite my grumblings, there certainly are things that I will miss about our pit-stop house.
-The fact that Amelia was always within my eye sight whether she was outside or across the house
- The great park and walking trail that were minutes away
- A precious friend who lives around the corner- truly a gift from God!
- The cozyness of being intimately together as a family no matter where we are in the house or what we are doing

We made some incredible memories here too...
-Amelia's first steps
-Big family dinners with the Schmidt family
-Nights spent singing and dancing to 'sons' in the family room
-Late night pizza
-Cramming as many possessions as humanly possible into our garage


More than anything, I will forever remember that this house is a symbol of God's provision. It fell into our laps at a time in our life when we didn't know where Jason was going to sleep from one night until the next. It enabled us to be together as a family, and allowed me to work from home. It became our haven in a very chaotic and turbulent time in our marriage and family. When we entered this home together, all was right with the world once again.

So, farewell Lillian Street. To the next owners... watch out for critters!

Our new house in Spring Grove, IL

Perfect Timing

I have never been very good at 'doing devotions'. I don't think I've ever made it all the way through a devotional without losing interest, and really struggle with setting aside a daily quiet time. So, Jason encouraged me to study a word or principle rather than go through a book. What he didn't tell me is that God would be giving me ample opportunities to put my studies into practice!

So, I decided to start by studying Mercy and Grace. During my quiet times I would do searches on www.crosswalk.com on these words, reading Bible studies and verses related to them. I would also just spend a lot of time in prayer meditating on the impact that these words have on my life and the areas of my life where I needed MORE mercy and grace. Oh goodness! If you are going to ask the Lord to teach you something, watch out! I was convicted multiple times a day of areas I needed to give more mercy and grace. From restraining myself for scolding Amelia for accidentally spilling her milk, to keeping my cool instead of biting Jason's head off for something that wasn't his fault (like Amelia's bedroom door handle locking on its own... locking her IN the bedroom and locking me OUT)I found "mercy-sightings" everywhere! Mostly, when I was about to become frustrated at someone or something, I was able to reflect on the mercy and grace that Christ has given to me, and remember that I am called to do the same to others.

If you have been following our moving (or lack thereof) saga, you can also guess that this has been a prime opportunity to practice mercy and grace. We are moving into a friend's home which we will rent from them, and we were supposed to move in when they moved out in May, then June, then mid-June, then definitely the first of July, then July 24th, then definitely July 29th, now hopefully August 3rd. Meanwhile, we have been living in a very small house with no air conditioning and all of our worldly possessions crammed in our garage. So God has given me lots of chances to practice (not always very successfully) mercy and grace. I'll admit, often times my anger has gotten the very best of me. Yet, Jason has reminded me that we are a witness to these friends and we may be the only Christ that they see. Therefore we are called to have integrity in our actions and have mercy towards them (as he pried the phone out of my hand so I wouldn't call them and give them a piece of my mind ;-) And, someone out there has been praying for me as well- I took the last delay very well and actually admitted that I felt peace and relief about it.

And, throughout this process we have been praying for the Lord's perfect timing... well apparently He and I don't agree. But, I need to rest in the fact that this move will work out perfectly and at the perfect time. In the meantime I am learning a lot about myself, what is truly important in life, and how far God has yet to go to change me! The next principle I'm going to study is Self Discipline. Since I have none, the only place to go is up :-)

Living a full life

I wake up every day and think, "Seriously, God? I can't believe this is my life! To spend my day with my kiddo, squishing playdough, playing at the park, making forts, rocking dollies, and putting on jewelry? This totally rocks!" How blessed am I?? But even in the midst of this blissful existence I often finding myself going on 'autopilot'. Hopefully I'm not the only one out there who finds myself 'zoning' or just observing instead of playing. It frustrates me that I find myself slipping into 'babysitter mode' instead of 'interactive role model mama mode'. Now, being new to this stay at home mom thing, I'm not really sure what my role should be and how much Amelia needs me to interact with her. What I do know is this: when I take the time to get off of the couch and get onto the floor and put on my 'toddler face' and play WITH her, our relationship is so very different. I can tell that our bond is stronger. She responds to me more, respects me more, and is much more obedient. I find this with my relationship with Jason too. When we have the will power to shut off the TV and computer, leave the laundry and dishes lay, and actually CONNECT, our relationship is much deeper and meaningful. We fight less and feel more in love than ever. Most importantly, I find that this is true with my relationship with the Lord. When I read my Bible, have quiet time, and truly spend time worshiping Him, everything is better. I have more patience, I have more self confidence, and I am more at peace with my life circumstances.

The question is, why is it so hard to spend quality time with the ones we love the most? Why do I spend more time on Facebook that with my Lord? I have always lived by the motto "Live life to the fullest and live everday as if it's your last. Cherish every moment." Am I really doing that everyday? Am I pouring myself into every moment until there is nothing left to give?

So, my goal for July is to turn off the TV, put the laptop away, and connect deeply with those I love the most. I'm praying for my relationships to flourish and my soul to be satisfied. Won't you join me?

My Hero

Through all of our trials and tribulations, the real hero of this story has been my incredible husband Jason. I just want to take a minute to be thankful for him. Jason, who has completely walked out in faith and left jobs of 13 and 8 years to enter into a field that he has no experience in. He has made enormous sacrifices, including being away from his infant daughter and wife the majority of days for almost a year in order to provide a better life for us. Jason has taken on the stressful role of being the sole bread winner in order to help me fulfill my desire to stay home with Amelia. He has valued security for our future in favor of comfort and ease (in the beginning often living out of his car and sleeping on my sister's couch and even on his office floor in tough times). This incredible man who gives and loves selflessly, is ALWAYS putting others above himself. From (in the past) warming my car up at 6am when he didn't have to be at work until 10am, taking the 2am newborn feeding every night, spending his day off cooking for my Bunco girls, driving home from Chicago for only 6 hours when I was sick so that he could do the dishes and pamper me, and most recently, running to Target at 9pm to buy an air conditioner so that we could sleep during the steamy night. I'm amazed that he can work a full day and still come home full of energy to play with Amelia and be an incredible dad. Most of all, I'm thankful that Jason relentlessly forgives me when I mess up every single day. He loves me unconditionally even when I am angry, bitter, and unloveable. He teaches me about patience, faith, and trust, and shows me how to see the glass half full, even when I don't want to. Jason is constantly reminding me of God's purpose and plan for our lives, and helps me to find hope when frustration threatens me. Over the past few months Jason has become such a strong spiritual leader for our family. I'm so proud of him for all that he has accomplished this past year, both personally and professionally. Even more importantly, he makes me want to be a better person and stronger Christian. Jason, I love you and I thank God every day for you!!

And the answer is...

There is no answer! Instead, there is the peace that passes all understanding. After crying out to God my anger, frustration, and overall unhappiness (and emotionally vomiting all over this blog :-)he didn't answer with a lightening bolt or an earthshaking revelation. He answered with peace... just peace. I can't explain the calm came as a result of crying out to the Lord with my needs. He didn't fix them. He didn't instaneously move me into the house or bring a host of new friends to my doorstep. Instead, I was filled with a sense of comfort that was beyond my comprehension. Thank you Lord for providing for my needs, even when I don't know what I need!

There is no place like home...

I know that houses are just brick and wood, but I really think that our Jackson Street house has a soul. It is so much more that a building. It represents sacrifice, dreams, goals, and the result of hours of prayer. Saying good-bye to our house also meant saying good-bye to 5 years of memories: late night talks on the balcony, take out Chinese on the couch, hosting neighborhood soup suppers, family dinners and cookouts with close friends, the kitchen where I cooked my first Thanksgiving, the wood stove Jason and I slept next to when the power was out during an ice storm, the family room I spend hours in while on bedrest, the home we brought our baby girl into, the playroom where she took her first steps, and the thousands of other memories and dreams that truly make a house a home. We are also saying good-bye to the feelings of safety, security and familiarity that makes a home 'yours'. Knowing the voices of your neighbors, the familiar car doors shutting at night, each ordinary creak your house makes, the peace and comfort of being in a place that is 'yours'.

This past week has been filled with lots of 'lasts'as we moved out of our Bloomington house yesterday (besides the boxes that are waiting to be moved next week). Our last night sleeping in our room, Amelia's last bath in the antique claw food tub, our last picnic in the playroom, our last cuddle on the floor, and my last time shutting the back door. I still haven't quite grasped the fact that I'm not going to go back to that house. We have left so many times over the past year, only to return a week later. Our life has been in such limbo for a year that it feels weird to have a step in our journey finalized.

And so we are living in a temporary rental house with no end date in sight (I keep hearing "Just a few more weeks") and I will confess that I am really struggling. I'm angry that pre-made plans and dates have fallen to the wayside. Frustrated that I am having to cancel plans and make other arrangements because other peoples' schedules don't match my own. I'm yearning to feel grounded and organized when the majority of my possessions are in boxes and bags at my feet. I'm praying for contentment in a situation that is utterly out of my control. In my heart I know that I am blessed... I have so much more than many people in this world, yet why am I struggling so much? And this is one of those times that I know that God is stripping me, he is refining me, he is challenging and teaching me. Jason keeps reminding me that I have a choice... I can make this hard or I can make this easy. Yet, I feel like this is such a very difficult thing to do... to overcome 'myself'. My natural tendency is to scream and cry and kick my feet(ok, I have done those things). So, how do I get 'myself' out of the way? How do I rest in God's timing and God's plan and completely give up control? So, I don't really have an answer at the moment. Instead, I'm going to go eat some chocolate and read a good book (my method of self care).

Now, where are you?

This is a question that we've been getting a lot lately, and, honestly, somedays I ask myself the same thing. So, here's a little update on our crazy life...

I stopped working for OSF on Feb 24th. The following week Amelia and I 'moved' all of our clothes and daily living needs to the house that Jason has been renting in McHenry, IL (about an hour north of Chicago). This house is QUITE SMALL, though, so we knew we couldn't stay here long. In April we put our house on the market and moved a bunch of stuff to storage so that it would look 'saleable' (ie spacious). In the meantime, Jason's best friend (who he works with up here) bought a house in Spring Grove, IL and we decided to rent their current house in Spring Grove from them in late May when they move.

We have had a series of interested parties come through our house wanting to rent or buy. Some weren't interested in the house, and others we weren't intersted in them ;-). Then, just last week, the first family who walked through (who are friends of neighbors, go to EWO, Christians, etc.) called and said they had sold their house and would like to rent. Hooray! Now we are trying to iron out the logistics of getting us out beginning May 15th and them in beginning the 23rd... and the house we are moving into isn't ready yet for us yet. So we are juggling moving the piano and furniture and all of our worldly possessions into temporary spaces until we can make one big, final move. In the meantime, the Lord is teaching me about perserverance. He is teaching me about reliquishing control when my posessions are in 4 different locations, teaching me patience when plans aren't moving as fast as I'd like, and learning to enjoy today instead of worrying about tomorrow. As usual, the Lord provided me with just the encouragement I needed during my devotions yesterday, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Romans 5:3-4