Friends

I know that there are a gajillion cheesy phrases about friends out there… “Friends are friends forever” “Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget”, “If friends were flowers, I'd pick you”. But truly, I believe that friendships are like water and air. It is so vital and important to have those people to trust in and lean on, confide in and be REAL with. And, let me tell ya, it’s hard work! I’ve never been in a situation before where I’ve had to WORK to find and make friends. There has always been a dorm full of girls, or co-workers, or Sunday school and church friends. Suddenly I’m starting out cold. And I’m learning that it takes guts (and a little bit of faith) to find new friends ‘cause I’m sure not gonna make ‘em sitting in my house . And like many things, relationships need intentional care -like a garden that will wither if it’s not given attention.

So, here I am in the land of horses and rolling meadows (although only 1 hour and 10 min. from downtown… pretty cool), how do I find friends? I will admit that I have done a little “grocery store stalking” (Oh Hi, what a cute little girl. Do you live around here? Do you want a new friend?.... ok, maybe not quite like that) without much success. I have joined an online mom’s group (Meetup.com) through which I joined a Bible Study and a playgroup. I have joined a MOPS group a few towns away, through which I have made some wonderful friends. And Amelia and I have also joined a group called Mothers for Others which is moms who volunteer with their kiddos in the community, and we’ve met some other mamas through there. The Lord has been so very faithful and answering our prayers- we have been blessed with some wonderful friends up here!

And like seedlings in a garden, I’m learning that these friendships need to be grown and cultivated. Time, attention, and care are needed to flourish a friendship based on mutual trust; a friendship that can be real, open, and honest. And there is always an element of faith that exists as well. For me, there is always the Jr. High fear of “does she like me? Are we still friends?” And that, I believe, is the devil trying to undermine the blessings that the Lord has given to me.

So, thank-you Father for providing for my needs, for answering our prayers, and for the wonderful people that you’ve brought into our lives. May we be a blessing to theirs as well!

BLESSED

Amelia, every so often (at least once a day), I take a step back and give a small gasp and am amazed at how BLESSED I am to be your mommy. I still can hardly believe or comprehend that you were formed in my womb and were created for your daddy and I. It is unbelievable to me how fast you learn and how easily you pick up new things. It is touching to me how sensitive you are; how you get so concerned when you see someone else hurt or sad. It is remarkable how, already, you have an incredible servant's heart and love to be 'helping mommy'. I see so much of your great-grandma Amelia in you... your love of music and dancing, your friendliness to everyone around you (she never knew a stranger), and your constant enthusiasm for life. Already you have taught me so much about the world around me and about myself. You have helped me to learn the true meaning of patience, of perserverance, of compassion, mercy, and unconditional love. You have helped to reveal areas in my life where I need to be stronger, and some areas where I don't need to be as strong. But more importantly, you have helped me to see Jesus through your eyes. As we teach you that God loves you and made all of his creation for you, it is once again wonderous to me as well. I am blessed to be able to be home with you each day. To be the one who teaches you, disciplines you, and gets to experience your world with you. I know that these days are precious, and I love spending this fleeting season of my life with you. Thank you for bringing immeasurable joy to my life and your daddy's. Thank you for your cheesey smiles, your big 'cheek' kisses, your nuzzles, and your belly laughs. Most of all, thank you for making me a better person, Christian and mommy. I love you!

PS I am posting this so that when you put your shoes in the toilet, smear waterproof mascara on your face, and have a potty training accident in my kitchen cabinet, I'll remember why I love you so much!

Learning how to do this job...

I’m still trying to figure it out… this job I’ve been blessed with that came without a job description, orientation, or manual. I’m so concerned with how to do it “right”. How to accomplish all I need and want to. How to feel successful without a way to measure that success. I realized that I am not looking at my new occupation as a ‘job’. Yes it has definite perks ( no dress code, my own schedule, etc.) but it is still a job, and I’m not necessarily preparing myself like I should be. When I was a project manager, I would never come to work without having my presentation prepared or my handouts printed. Likewise, I shouldn’t be starting my day at this job without preparation. For me that means getting up early to do my devotions, pack the diaper bag, start the laundry, etc to prepare for my day with my daughter. Now, if you know me, you know that I am NOT a morning person. When I was working full time it was only by the grace of God and the fear of losing my job that I was able to get up every day at 5a and be out the door by 6a (or earlier). I am in AWE at those of you who are outside running at 5am. OMG. But I really have been feeling like this is something that God is calling me to do. The times that I have gotten up early in recent weeks have been a complete blessing to my day. I have had time to make Jason breakfast and spend a few quiet minutes with him, have some 'me time' and feel more prepared for my day. Those days I have more patience and feel more sucessful and accomplished (and who can't use 2 more hours in the day). But, alas, every morning there is still the 'bed battle'- somedays I win, somedays I lose.

I have been reading a blog called Inspired to Action that has been the "Mom-manual" I have been looking for. http://inspiredtoaction.com/ By signing up for her blog I received her free ebook called "Maximize Your Mornings". It was just what I needed and came with worksheets and checklists. I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone else trying to figure this job out! So, I just keep remembering that everyday is a new day and persistence, self discipline, and prayer will win out eventually…. Right?

Settled.

Amelia and I in our garden


Wow, after 15 months of transitions it feels amazing (and a bit surreal) to finally say that we are settled. Our boxes are unpacked, pictures are on the wall, and our new-to-us house is starting to feel like a home. The first week felt like Christmas- opening boxes that we had packed 6 months ago and finding dishes and decorations that we forgot we owned. I have been cooking almost constantly- a hobby that I had missed dearly for the last year. And Amelia loves running around our 2 acres, swimming in the pool, and playing on the ‘bouncy bounce’ (trampoline) and slide. The area up here is beautiful with rolling hills, gobs of horses (much to Amelia’s never-ending delight!), and bountiful markets of fresh, local produce and meats (which our new eating-efforts appreciate). Between our house and the interstate there are 12 roadside stands or orchards on this road alone!!

It’s been amazing to look back at the last year and a half and see all that God has brought us through. As much as I miss ‘home’, it is clear that this is where God wants us to be. Without going through the trials and the challenges, our faith and relationship wouldn’t have been tested and refined. We have had to lean on the Lord and our faith more than ever. God has answered prayer after prayer: from providing great Christian friends, to ministry opportunities and even a Bible study and playgroup. And, repeatedly, he has confirmed that we are in the right place.

It’s incredible to look back and see that at the times where our heartache was the greatest, those were the times that our faith and relationship with Christ was the strongest. He truly does ‘give strength to the weary’. Now I need to remember to maintain that desire for Him and dependence on Him in the ‘strong times’ as well. It is so easy to slip back into “I can do it” mode, that we forget that He gives us our strength. The Lord has brought us through times of depression, bitterness, anger, and lots of questions. I would love to say that I was a trooper and took it all in stride, but many days I failed miserably. Thankfully God and Jason are forgiving, and I know that this experience has prepared me for challenges to come!

On the move once again...

We are finally ready to complete the final leg of our journey and move all of our belongings from the 'short term' rental in McHenry to our 'long term' rental in Spring Grove. While we never intended to be in this house for very long (and stayed in this house for longer than we intended :-) it was a good house to us. There are many things that I WON'T miss:

-The random wildlife in our fenced in backyard consisting of 1 groundhog, 2 cats, and 6 skunks
- The crazed ice cream truck that circles our neighborhood for hours, always around dinner time, yelling out "Hello!"
- The lack of air conditioning and very sticky nights
- Our neighbor's taste in cultural music, while enjoyable, was not so great at 1am
- Our washer and dryer, while adequate, heat the house and are so loud we have to yell to be heard
- Lack of space for, well, anything

Despite my grumblings, there certainly are things that I will miss about our pit-stop house.
-The fact that Amelia was always within my eye sight whether she was outside or across the house
- The great park and walking trail that were minutes away
- A precious friend who lives around the corner- truly a gift from God!
- The cozyness of being intimately together as a family no matter where we are in the house or what we are doing

We made some incredible memories here too...
-Amelia's first steps
-Big family dinners with the Schmidt family
-Nights spent singing and dancing to 'sons' in the family room
-Late night pizza
-Cramming as many possessions as humanly possible into our garage


More than anything, I will forever remember that this house is a symbol of God's provision. It fell into our laps at a time in our life when we didn't know where Jason was going to sleep from one night until the next. It enabled us to be together as a family, and allowed me to work from home. It became our haven in a very chaotic and turbulent time in our marriage and family. When we entered this home together, all was right with the world once again.

So, farewell Lillian Street. To the next owners... watch out for critters!

Our new house in Spring Grove, IL

Perfect Timing

I have never been very good at 'doing devotions'. I don't think I've ever made it all the way through a devotional without losing interest, and really struggle with setting aside a daily quiet time. So, Jason encouraged me to study a word or principle rather than go through a book. What he didn't tell me is that God would be giving me ample opportunities to put my studies into practice!

So, I decided to start by studying Mercy and Grace. During my quiet times I would do searches on www.crosswalk.com on these words, reading Bible studies and verses related to them. I would also just spend a lot of time in prayer meditating on the impact that these words have on my life and the areas of my life where I needed MORE mercy and grace. Oh goodness! If you are going to ask the Lord to teach you something, watch out! I was convicted multiple times a day of areas I needed to give more mercy and grace. From restraining myself for scolding Amelia for accidentally spilling her milk, to keeping my cool instead of biting Jason's head off for something that wasn't his fault (like Amelia's bedroom door handle locking on its own... locking her IN the bedroom and locking me OUT)I found "mercy-sightings" everywhere! Mostly, when I was about to become frustrated at someone or something, I was able to reflect on the mercy and grace that Christ has given to me, and remember that I am called to do the same to others.

If you have been following our moving (or lack thereof) saga, you can also guess that this has been a prime opportunity to practice mercy and grace. We are moving into a friend's home which we will rent from them, and we were supposed to move in when they moved out in May, then June, then mid-June, then definitely the first of July, then July 24th, then definitely July 29th, now hopefully August 3rd. Meanwhile, we have been living in a very small house with no air conditioning and all of our worldly possessions crammed in our garage. So God has given me lots of chances to practice (not always very successfully) mercy and grace. I'll admit, often times my anger has gotten the very best of me. Yet, Jason has reminded me that we are a witness to these friends and we may be the only Christ that they see. Therefore we are called to have integrity in our actions and have mercy towards them (as he pried the phone out of my hand so I wouldn't call them and give them a piece of my mind ;-) And, someone out there has been praying for me as well- I took the last delay very well and actually admitted that I felt peace and relief about it.

And, throughout this process we have been praying for the Lord's perfect timing... well apparently He and I don't agree. But, I need to rest in the fact that this move will work out perfectly and at the perfect time. In the meantime I am learning a lot about myself, what is truly important in life, and how far God has yet to go to change me! The next principle I'm going to study is Self Discipline. Since I have none, the only place to go is up :-)

Living a full life

I wake up every day and think, "Seriously, God? I can't believe this is my life! To spend my day with my kiddo, squishing playdough, playing at the park, making forts, rocking dollies, and putting on jewelry? This totally rocks!" How blessed am I?? But even in the midst of this blissful existence I often finding myself going on 'autopilot'. Hopefully I'm not the only one out there who finds myself 'zoning' or just observing instead of playing. It frustrates me that I find myself slipping into 'babysitter mode' instead of 'interactive role model mama mode'. Now, being new to this stay at home mom thing, I'm not really sure what my role should be and how much Amelia needs me to interact with her. What I do know is this: when I take the time to get off of the couch and get onto the floor and put on my 'toddler face' and play WITH her, our relationship is so very different. I can tell that our bond is stronger. She responds to me more, respects me more, and is much more obedient. I find this with my relationship with Jason too. When we have the will power to shut off the TV and computer, leave the laundry and dishes lay, and actually CONNECT, our relationship is much deeper and meaningful. We fight less and feel more in love than ever. Most importantly, I find that this is true with my relationship with the Lord. When I read my Bible, have quiet time, and truly spend time worshiping Him, everything is better. I have more patience, I have more self confidence, and I am more at peace with my life circumstances.

The question is, why is it so hard to spend quality time with the ones we love the most? Why do I spend more time on Facebook that with my Lord? I have always lived by the motto "Live life to the fullest and live everday as if it's your last. Cherish every moment." Am I really doing that everyday? Am I pouring myself into every moment until there is nothing left to give?

So, my goal for July is to turn off the TV, put the laptop away, and connect deeply with those I love the most. I'm praying for my relationships to flourish and my soul to be satisfied. Won't you join me?