Becoming a family of 4

I can hardly believe that 9 months have passed and here we are, a family of 4! I was a little slow at blogging this summer, so I'll do a little recapping.

We had a wonderful summer with trips to Colorado and Door County. Jason and I really tried to focus on savoring our time together with Amelia and enjoying our last times as a family of 3. We knew that lots of fun and blessings were in our future, but also that things would never be the same and that Amelia wouldn't have our undivided attention again. At the beginning of the summer we set 4 goals for her to be able to accomplish and I'm happy to say that she (mostly) can do them all!
-Got rid of the pacifier at night
-Potty Trained
-Can dress herself
-Can get into the car and buckle herself into her seatbelt

Those 4 things make life a lot easier!

In the meantime, I was really wrestling with feelings of guilt in regards to our new addition. When I was pregnant with Amelia, so much of my time and energy was focused on preparing for her: reading every pregnancy book under the sun, spending hours planning her nursery, hanging her clothes on coordinating hangers, talking to my tummy, writing in her journal, doing prenatal yoga, etc etc etc. This new baby girl wasn't even born yet, and already I felt like she was getting shafted. Not only did I not have time to re-read books, make it to the yoga class that I had to drop out of, and even find coordinating hangers, I couldn't plan her nursery because this kid was going to sleep in a pack n play in our room for awhile. I know these all sound like trivial things, but to me it was about being able to be emotionally prepared and ready to welcome this child.

So, one day in late July, Jason took Amelia home to visit family. It was too late in my pregnancy for me to travel, so I had a 'baby retreat'. With the house all to myself I washed baby clothes, organized drawers, wrote in her journal, and laid in the pool reading my favorite baby book "Birthed in Prayer". The author reminded me that with the second child, we have the blessing of sharing the planning and preparations with our older child. It has been amazing to see the delight on Amelia's face when the baby kicked her and to watch her hug my belly and whisper "I love you baby sister". I was able to experience the wonder and the miracle of growing another child through her eyes. I was also reminded that God is the ultimate planner and preparer and by trying to take this role on by myself, I am not trusting Him. And, after receiving advice from some wonderful friends I also realized that I didn't need to prepare as much for this baby. I had almost all of the "things" that I needed. I had also been through this life transition once before and I was already emotionally prepared. Prepared to be selfless, to allow another's needs to conduct my schedule, and to expand the fabric of our family to hold another. I was more relaxed, experienced, seasoned, and also could anticipate the needs and fears of the weeks and months to come. More than anything, I was able to realize that God is bigger than all of this and will give me exactly what I need.